As the host of Creatives Making Money, I used to ask this question of every guest: “If $5MM dropped in your lap, what would you do with it?”

It felt expansive and enlightening and good to ask that question. It felt like a fun question for someone to answer that showcases their values and interests and desires. It also used to feel like an insightful way into exploring challenges or desires, to ask ‘Well, if money weren’t a thing, what would you choose?’

But, I’ve stopped recording the podcast and also stopped asking that question. 

Here’s why…

Maybe it’s life, maybe it’s healing, maybe it’s perspective, maybe it’s inflation, or maybe it’s that I am becoming a more mature 40-year-old woman very soon, but I’m not expanded by this question anymore.

In my journey of burning down a business and examining my relationship with capitalism, productivity, accomplishment, and worth through the lens of trauma and addiction – I discovered a few things about what money means (and doesn’t) to me.

As an artist, this feels especially important. It’s why I started the Creatives Making Money podcast in the first place. 

Creative folks need ALL the reminders that it’s not a pie-in-the-sky dream to make an incredible living off of your genius work. And – it’s okay if you have creative projects that are soul fulfilling even if they’re not paying the bills. And – everything in between.

I started the Creatives Making Money podcast back in 2017 and since then, a lot has changed. TikTok! “The Creator Economy!” Substack! — this very platform that you’re reading this article on! And, while I’m grateful I got to have some important conversations around some very real issues, topics, and concepts related to money and being a creative human – I’ve begun to further heal and detach myself from the core wounding that led me there in the first place.

But the real reason I’m no longer fulfilled by having this conversation?

No matter how you slice it, there’s only ever a very (very) small percentage of the population who have seemingly unlimited amounts of money, and even for them, money is a “problem.”

It’s just a different kind of problem. 

The more I look at it, the more I see that asking questions like “Well, what if money weren’t a thing?” deny the actual truth of real life in the hopes of achieving an otherwise unavailable understanding of oneself. 

The concept itself is a good one, like if we can pretend we have access to unlimited resources at any given moment (we do, our energy and gifts are the resource), then we get to ask ourselves bigger questions. 

But the truth is: no matter how good you are at “pretending,” the reality of most decisions is that we really don’t know until we’re faced with the situation in real life. You don’t know how “it” feels until you’re really inside the experience.

You can’t reveal the truth by using imaginary circumstances.

Because your present moment reality is where the truth (and magic) really lives. Not in any alternate reality.

For example, today, I live in Los Angeles and my partner lives in San Francisco. 

If I had $5MM just lying around, or dropped in my lap, I’d want to buy a place in San Francisco and keep my place in Los Angeles for as long as I wanted to. 

I’d fly back and forth as much as I wanted to. I’d worry less about the financial consequences of uprooting my life to move to a new city, or having an entire wardrobe, or nice furniture, in two different cities. At least, that’s what I think.

I don’t really know because this isn’t my reality.

And, the thing is: I’d love to believe that I’d use that money to do something really good in the world (and I’m sure I would, for some of it). But the truth is, I’d start by using it to make my life more convenient, to solve my own immediate problems, and then I’d find my way back to service, as I always do, regardless of money circumstances. 

Lots of people felt compelled to virtue signal their way through that $5MM question on my podcast, but the truth is: most of the time, the “cause” was the last thing on their list. And that’s OK.

What I’ve learned about myself by stepping away from business for almost half of a year, was that what I wanted wasn’t to build or create excessively, or save the world with some kind of virtue signaling life switch – 

I just wanted more time to be human. 

To rest. And play. And have fun. And spend more time with friends and family.

I wanted to do all the things that I typically have to work harder to “squeeze in” when I’m working full time.

Also, I started missing my clients and work pretty immediately!

But, I wanted to watch for any workaholic habits, so I held my commitment to myself and didn’t market or sell for three months. I finished two tv pilots, moved to a new apartment, and met the love of my life. 

As a result of taking that time, I understand way more about my work in the world. I understand more about emotional sobriety, presence, and moving with the truth of the moment. 

My first paid project post-sabbatical was a Brand Story Realignment for a big international yoga brand. And it was a DREAM. My second paid work project was a coaching program for other creative humans on allowing themselves and their work to slowly Bloom. (My templates and previous writing projects also yielded me money during my sabbatical, but that was residual income.)

Brand storytelling and coaching wasn’t what I expected to WANT to do. Because the story I’d made up, as I so often did, was that – if I were given the space to JUST write all day, that’s all I’d do.

I made up that if I gave myself permission to do nothing for a few months, I’d want to “work” less and “write” more. 

But I was wrong.

I learned that all I wanted to do was all I was already doing.

I learned that the way I strike my balance with client work and creative work is actually entirely perfect already.

I learned that I’m not missing anything by wanting to do all that I do – and allowing myself to do all of it.

As a result, I stopped fantasizing about a life where I had more “freedom” to do ALL I COULD DO as a writer.

This surprised me, deeply, but it also healed something inside me.

For years, I’d hosted the Creatives Making Money podcast. I’d made it part of my brand and mission and message to support other artists and creatives in overcoming their money stories and monetizing their gifts. 

And I never will stop, not really. They’re my soul family, truly.

But there was a brand story there that was ready to leave me – because I was ready to let it go. And that story hinged on the tension between being a creative person and making a good living. It was about holding the reality of work that pays bills vs work that IS art and a soul project.

In holding my stance on that, for myself, I became a leader on that topic.

I coached others on it. I coached copywriters and other writer-preneurs. I led money workshops and business retreats. I had a LOT of conversations about money. But in doing so, I also chose to make my story about this singular tension point: making money as a creative.

As if these two things are, or ever were, at odds with each other.

When the truth is: it IS the most freely creative humans who are making money with their genius. It IS the ones who unleash their greatest gifts boldly and bravely, who know how to encapsulate and express their value, who do the hard and vulnerable work of putting themselves out there, again and again — who yield the most returns.

I love business, branding, and marketing. I really do. I’ll serve with all my might in these arenas for other soulful, playful, and intelligent entrepreneurs.

But more recently, I don’t feel identified with the tension point of Creatives Making Money and I’ve fully lost my mojo for it. Yes, it is HARD to be an artist and hold space for loads of unpaid creative labor on soul projects that are worthy of far more attention and acclaim than you may ever receive for them. But it’s hard to do that, no matter what. 

If you really want to do it, if it’s really true for you, you will find a way to do it anyway. You will find the support, you will create the space, you will make it happen.

What I’ve learned I will always do, regardless of how much money I make and have…

• gather community.

• create in community.

• collaborate with other artists and creators.

• develop stories.

• bring projects to life.

• cook.

• cuddle.

• mother.

• have a lot of fun.

• dance.

• express myself.

• share stories and lessons.

• lift weights.

• tend to life.

• find the right ways to give back.

• go to yoga.

• love up on my people.

• pray, meditate, and commune with spirit.

But I will no longer be asking the questions “if money weren’t a thing,” because money IS a thing, and as a result so is capitalism, and business, and branding, and marketing, and the necessity of commodifying yourself. 

Which brings me to this ultimate question, and the central crux I’m now in exploration of, which is:

If we have to commodify ourselves, can we make that expression ART?

Can we make it true? Can we make it beautiful?

Can we make it the highest impact, most stunning, memorable, nuanced work of brilliance we’ve ever seen?

What I’m finding out is: YES.

And, I’m also discovering that there is so much data to support it.

So… I will continue to stand at the crossroads of commerce and art.

I will continue to love my fellow artists and creators.

I will continue to champion their expansion and expression in all the ways.

And I will help them bring their brand and business and soul project dreams into reality.

But it won’t be in spite of money, in some idealistic vision for a world without capitalism, it will be because of it. 

It will be because, only by standing in what is true today, are we actually able to make the most powerful impact. 

xo

Jamie